Today my heart is aching. Today my spirits are low ... today I want to scream ... I want to yell ... I want to run ... Today I HURT. I hurt because of addiction ... I hurt because Meth kills ... I hurt because meth killed Scotty ... I hurt because addiction took the life of my children's dad ... I hurt for them, him and MYSELF. I tried to tell him .. I tried to talk to him .. I tried to yell at him .. I tried everything ... I tried ... and retried ... Today I hurt because all the trying I did ... couldn't save him ... couldn't stop him .. couldn't keep him from himself.
Today I hurt ... I hurt because he is gone ... I hurt because I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE GONE. (inside I am like a child throwing a tantrum) Today I HURT.
Today is a sad day amoungst the sad days past and those to follow ... I don't want it to be this way ... I tried to stop it from happening, but I couldn't ... and I hurt because I couldn't.
Today, I want to run and not stop. I want to run from the pain, but I can't outrun it ...Today I hurt deeply.
Today, I want to find you and tell you that you are a human worthy of good things including love, but you're not there to find or tell. I want to scream. I am screaming.
Today I HURT. Today I hurt for my children, for their dad, for me and for YOU. Yes, FOR YOU.
I HURT FOR YOU (the one's that are trying and trying to save someone from themselves).
I HURT FOR YOU "THE ADDICT" I hurt because you do not WILL NOT listen to the crys of your loved ones. I hurt because they try and try and try, but yet they cannot save you from yourself.
I HURT because you are blindfolded and your ears are plugged, you can't feel or think about no one or nothing, but yourself and your addiction ... you are caught in a web ... and the spider is swathing, wrapping and entangling her prey ... she is slowly moving in for the kill.
I HURT because YOU won't LISTEN to the WARNINGS. I hurt because if you don't listen you are going to lose your freedom or die.
I hurt because I care. I hurt because I know what it is like to want so badly for your loved one to get clean and I hurt because I know first hand what it feels like for it not to happen ... I know what it is like to watch up close someone slowly killing themselves and I know what it is like to not be able to stand it anymore and leave, yet you watch from a distance I know first hand what it is like to be afraid to look away because you feel like the minute you do something bad is going to happen ... SOMETHING BAD IS ALREADY HAPPENING it can only get worse.
TODAY I HURT .. TODAY I ACHE ... TODAY I WANT THINGS TO BE DIFFERENT, but there are some things that cannot be different. Scott will never come back .. his chances of being clean are over ... You ... YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE. Please ... I beg you PLEASE LISTEN before its to late before somewhere somebody else feels like this on your behalf. TODAY love somebody and don't hurt them.