A senseless death  / Sher (Widow)
Scotty died a year ago the 16th of this month (today would have been his 48th birthday .... He isn't here to celebrate it because of addiction .. His addiction, to meth ... He lost his life to a drug. What a senseless death. Our worst fears for him came to pass ... and now he is gone ... No more second chances ... His addiction didn't permit him to hear the warning signs or to hear his family watched his struggle and realized the addiction was far beyond our help ... We could not fix him ... We could not make him get clean ... We could hope, wish and want all till we were blue in the face, ... We couldn't love him out of it ... Love wasn't enough ... He had been taken prison to his addiction ... and meth has no mercy ... the drug demands total complete loyality from a person ... as it strips them of the person we knew once existed ... and there is nothing we can do to stop it ... Talking to the meth addict is like talking to a baggie of meth ... You're loved one still exist somewhere buried deep inside .. trapped within themselves ... and all we can do is pray that they come to a place where they will see that the only way out is to fight for their lives ... It is up to the addict (the battle is for them to fight) ... we pray they make it out alive ...

Had Scotty not been shooting meth ... he would probably still be alive ...
 
Sher
Close

my mom died of drugs too  / Beth U.
I am 28 and one year ago, my mom died from shooting up dilaudid. it wasn't meth,  but drugs are drugs. Having a bad day today, to many bad dreams, so I got on the computer and found your webpage. I'm amazed at how much of a kid i feel like sometimes even though I'm a mom now of 2 beautiful babies. not sure what its like losing a dad, although both my parents were addicted, it has so far only taken my mom. there's a special bond i think between moms and daughters.... my dad is doing better, thank God. Just wanted to say, I'm sorry for your loss, and i know how you feel. its hard to find other ppl who have lost a parent to drugs, so if you need to vent, just email.
Beth in Tennessee Close

A journal entry - Sunday October 16, 2005 - 12:14 AM  / Cheyenne Simmons (Daughter)

As I wrote the date at the top of the page I realized that today is the anniversary of my father's death. Wow, one whole year. The very thought crushes me and brings tears to my eyes. It's so hard to believe that he's actually gone. Part of me wants to believe that somewhere out there he's alive ... that he's still around. I hurt so bad ... on the inside.

Dad, I'm hurting. I miss you. I want you to be here ... To be here with me ...

A piece of my heart died with him. My soul is so lost, I'm lost. God, give me the strength to make it through the day in one piece. Please God ... make me strong.

Close

As hard as it is to tell your story... THANK YOU!  / Lori Miller
I read your story with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart.  Your family has endured so much pain and suffering from the most evil drug on earth.  I will keep your family in my prayers as you are all the true survivors! 

I found your web site from Jenny whom lit a candle for my family.  My daughter unfortunetly is going down this familier path as you know so well.

Thank you for your strenght  and power in your story.

God Bless you so much.

Lori Close

ALMOST ONE WHOLE YEAR  / Chyna Simmons (daughter)
    I can't believe that it has been almost a whole year since he's been dead.   Close

Rest in Peace..and God bless- To family members  / Jeremy Franke (Friend of Cheyenne )
Hello Mr. Simmons. I really dont know you, but I know of you by your wonderful Daughter Cheyenne. I don't know the pain and suffering you went through first hand, but I've seen what happens by my very eyes. What happens to the user...his/her freinds and family. Its really painful. The day Cheyenne learned of your death, was the day I learned about it. It pained me greatly, because I knew how much you meant to her. I wish I could've done more for her. Seeing her cry everyday saddened me greatly. My sympathies go out to your family, and children, and Cheyenne. And I promise you, Ill always be a friend to Cheyenne, and try my best to be there for her, just like she was always there for me. I wish I could have met you person to person, but we didn't. But I look forward to seeing you once my time is up. Rest in peace....and god bless. To Sherry, Micheal, and Chyna: Hello everyone. You, might know of me, you might not. (Cheyenne does however.) I just want to say, Im very sorry for your loss, and hope that things will turn out better for all of you. I lost alot of friends to drugs, and probably a family member pretty soon. I know what you all are going through. Stay strong. To Cheyenne: Cheyenne, Im really sorry. I wish I could've done more for you. But I could only do so much since you were so far away from me at the time. You know Im here, and I always will be here for you. Love always- Jeremy -Jeremy Close

TO THE STRONG BRAVE CHEYENNE AND CHYNA SIMMONS  / Jenny&Bruce McNair (Friend)
 Dear Sherry , Cheyenne and Chyna
 I'm sitting here just staring at the screen.. What does a person  say to those beautiful girls and yourself. Your dad knew how much you loved him, make no mistake about that sweethearts.. He was in a terrible place, and would never want you girls to visit him there.BECAUSE HE LOVED YOU SO VERY MUCH...
I just know he cherrished you, but he was very very sick, and just not strong enough to deal with it. He is healed now! And make no mistake about this either, He is with you ALWAYS. He watches over you and would want you to learn from his mistakes. When you achieve all you will in your lives, he will be there. you may not be able to see him, but he will be with you always...You have a wonderful mom, she, and you girls are helping others, like you would not believe. All the people who visit this site would not be helped if it was not for both your mom and dad... you are a wonderful family, and i truly am crying as i write this tribute to you girls, your mom and your dad. Your right honey, life sucks, BUT not all the time!ok?
Grab your life with both hands and embrace it. You are a credit to your family... I'm so glad i got the chance to say ,you are loved by many, many ,people, who you have never met!!!. How awsome is that! Bless you all xoxoxo this is sent to you with much love and respect.... xoxoxoxoxoxo Jenny and Bruce
                     WHEN THE FAMILY CHAIN IS BROKEN
                      NOTHING SEEMS THE SAME
                      BUT AS GOD TAKES US 
                      ONE BY ONE
                       THE CHAIN WILL LINK AGAIN

SWEET DREAMS LITTLE ANGELS XOXOXOXO
  Close

why there is hope  / Jennifer Mcdaniel (passer-by)

THE WORLD WANTS US TO BE A STATISTIC, BUT GOD SEE'S US EACH AS AN INDIVIDUAL, WITH GREAT PURPOSE AND HOPE.  IF YOU ARE ON METH, IF YOU WERE ON METH, MOLESTED, ADULTERER OR WHATEVER THERE IS FREEDOM AND A GREAT PURPOSE AND A CALL ON YOUR LIFE.  YOU DONT HAVE TO RUN FOREVER.  THE WORLD CAN PUT ALL THE LABELS ON YOU IT WANTS, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUT IF YOU WANT REAL FREEDOM, HEALING, REAL LOVE START IN JOHN 3:16, 17,18,AND 19.  BUT I CHALLENGE YOU TO NOT STOP.  I CHALLENGE YOU TO START PUTTING PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE THAT WILL POUR GOOD INTO YOU.  PICK ONE CHAPTER OF THE BIBLE AND PRAY, I PROMISE IF YOU ASK GOD OVER AND OVER FOR REVELATION, YOU WILL GET IT.  I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A VICTIM, SO SHOULD MY HUSBAND, ACCORDING TO STATISICS, MY CHILDREN WOULD HAVE BEEN, BUT WE ARE NOT.  THERE HAS BEEN HEALING, AND NO IF ANDS OR BUTS, CHRIST PAID THE PRICE FOR I WOULDNT HAVE TO WALK AROUND MISERABLE FOREVER. GOD IS GREAT!

Close

A Selfish Man  / Jeffrey G. (none)
Im sorry about the loss of your husband and father, but I just  cant seem to feel any sympathy for a man who acted so selfishly and with no real concern for his three wonderful children and wife. Now you can say what you want but I know meth as well as your husband, it took me to get busted before I started rehab, but never ever did I put myself or meth before my family, at least not in the way your husband did so many times in the past. From what I have read this man never changed from the time you were pregnant with your first child right on through the third. If the gift of life couldn't get the monkey off his back then he was destined to die a horrific death as he did with the flesh eating disease. This man lived to get high and thats it, and it wasn't just the meth that made him this way because as I said in the 20 years of my addiction never was I as pathetic as what I've read about this man. Yes meth will eventually kill you but Scotty was dead long before the meth did him, in. Your only crime was the fact you loved this man, and he could never appreciate that or reciprocate it. This web site is your legacy not his, it is you Sherry that will help turn peoples lives around not Scotty. He should have seen what he had, if only he could have opened his eyes, what a fool. Good luck in life Sherry, you have already helped this man
      
                                                     jeff     Close

Thinking of you...  / Cheyenne Simmons (Daughter)

I find myself missing you more and more as the days pass, my heart aching more and more as well. I sit alone and I cry for you, thinking of how you passed. I constantly wonder what you were thinking just before your death. Were you thinking about our last visit? How you left angry, how I was angry at you. I hope you know that I'm not angry at you anymore. Now I just hurt because you're gone. I miss you each and every minute of the day and I love you with every beat of my heart, Dad.

Close

Meth shatters lifes  / SUSAN YOUNG
I am so sorry for your lose. My heart goes out to you. My 19 yr old son ended his battle with meth 6/3/05. He put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I am sorry that I write so graphic, but like you I want people to KNOW meth kills. It has shattered my life. The pain is sometimes unbearable. There is not alot of help out there, we tried endlessly. I pray that this drug will vanish from the earth. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Susan Tommy's Mom 1/19/86-6/3/05 Close

I truly understand your pain  / Heather (None)
I am touched by your memorial to William. I recently (6/18/05) lost my only sister of causes yet known. She too was addicted heavily on Meth. She was only 33. She struggled with her addiction (as well as many mental illnesses) since she was 18.
I miss my sister more than she could ever understand, but I am glad that she isnt in pain, emotionally, or physically any more.
Close

Did you know?  / Sher (Widow)
I come here and I sit ... I hear the music and see your pictures and I reread the words that have been written by others and myself. I still have a difficult time with accepting that you are truly gone. There were no goodbyes, no warnings, just a phone call 3 months after the fact. I've tried to get Gary to call or write or something, but I've heard nothing from him. Michael finally admitted to me that he feels angry over your death. Chey and Chyna are beside themselves and I think Chey pretends its not real sometimes. Me, I watch as they hurt and try to comfort as best as I can. As for myself I am saddened that your life ended the way it did. I tried to fight against your drug use, but the fight wasn't mine to battle. I could fight it as much as I wanted but it was all in vain. The battle was yours fight, but you didn't allow yourself enough time to get strong enough to keep up the fight. In and out of rehabs, running, trying to just fight without help and do it on your own only left you defeated each time you went back. You had to fight with all of your mind, strength using every resourse known to stay clean, but it was easier to give in ... and then you'd promise yourself that you'd quit after this one last time. I watched you for years go further and further down and I wonder did you ever realize what the weight pulling you down was. Did you know in your heart of hearts it was the dope? There were so many other options for you ... You knew that. You allowed yourself ... even consented to being a victim to meth. While your REAL friends and family stood helplessly by watching you self destruct and there wasn't a damn thing we could do about it. Now all I can do is not let you slip through the cracks unnoticed ... not to let your death be in vain. You may have just seemed like a homeless man with no one who cared, but little did the people in Santa Cruz realize your were more than that. You had lots of friends and family that cared deeply for you ... Especially three children who knew their father was out there somewhere doing his thing and all the while their hearts hoped that one day daddy would overcome and that they'd be able to finally meet you and talk with you ... but now that has been taken from them as well. Your choices caused a lot of pain for those that loved you. We all saw the train headed right for you. We tried to tell you, we yelled, even screamed at you to get off the tracks, but you couldn't hear us over the voice of meth ... The horns blew and the lights glared, but you still didn't see it. I tried to shove you off the tracks but you stood your ground and now here I sit typing these words to you. Your not here you can't read em' so I guess there more for me to let out some feelings ... part of the grief I guess. All a part of the grief. Close

know the pain  / Kimberly McAllester
i am so sorry for you and your families loss. it is so difficult going through something like this. i lost my boyfriend/soulmate to alcohol abuse 12 yrs ago, he died from cirrhosis of the liver. that was one of the most diffcult thing to go through, i was only 19 (he was some yrs older). it kills my soul to this day knowing the terrible way he died.  (his website is www.chris-gallegos.memory-of.com)
also, 6 yrs ago i lost my brother-in-law to meth and heroin addiction. he died from a heart attack caused by a drug overdose. 
when will it all stop. to many lives have been lost due to addiction, it breaks my heart.

you have created a beautiful website, your stories brought tears to my eyes. and i sort of felt like i identified. stay strong. god bless you and your family.
Close

So very sorry / Charlene
I am so very sorry for your loss- I hope those who visit this site learn a very valuable lesson about drugs.....
My heart goes out to you.  I lost my son Patrick at the age of 22 on 8.1.03.  My life and the lives of those that knew Patrick have been forever changed.  It is very hard as you know to live without a loved one.  May you find comfort in knowing that this site may save the life of someone that has an addiction.  God Bless
Charlene Close

I have something to say too..  / Chyna Rose Simmons (Daughter)

 I did not get a chance to get to know my dad like my sister Cheyenne did. I think that if I got a chance to know him, and got the chance to see him..He would still be here to this very day. I know if I blame myself its just going to be harder...and I can't keep going on like this. It breaks my heart to have to think about him. I think about him EVERY second of the day. My eyes are so swollen because I'v been crying so much, and I cry even more thinking that since I am in the eighth grade...he will not be there for my graduation, or there to walk me down the aisle when I get married, or even see his grandchildern, and if I got a chance to say something to him before he  past away it would have been.....Why? Why did you do this?Why did you have to leave me?
                                                        I love you Dad & miss you
                                                                   Love Chyna <3

Close

I understand / Theresa Beals (feeling your pain)
I've been through a simliar situation with my brother. Crack cocaine took his life away from us. The drug made his kidney's fail and he had to go on dialysis. After he went on dialysis. He continued to smoke crack and I would fuss at him and we would have shouting matches and it never worked. Until finally one night he was smoking crack and got so high. That my brother passed out and we couldn't bring him back. It needs to be an all out war on any kind of drug's. They all have the same affect hurting and taking lives and the dope man has no concious or remorse. Close

I feel your pain / Kelly Benedict (caring friend)
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband also died Feb 9,2005 in  car accident after doing valium and drinking. I know how you feel and I pray that everyone wakes up and realises what their actions do. They leave us behind with all kinds of questions like why our love couldnt be enough to make them happy! My dear husband was such a wonderful person and could bring so much happiness to anyone he met.WHY. But he could not say no to any drug that was around him. He fought so long and hard. He did not win his fight either. He left behind beautiful 4 yr old twins that will never remember him and his good spirit. I will keep him alive in pictures and voice but it will never be like it should be. Please keep up your good and couageous work on letting everyone know the consequences of their addictions. If you can help just one person that is an awesome thing.  My prayers will be with you and your children. Take care of yourself and let GOD be with you!!!!! Close